SOME ADVICES FOR NON ITALIANS

If ever in your life you have to go with an Italian in his country be prepared that as soon as they are on Italian soil they change. If at home they hardly talk to strangers (unless they are Italians of course) when they cross the border it starts. The first victim in view will immediately know where he was born, from which city he came, how long he had been abroad, what nationality has his wife (or the person with him), who he will visit and how long he will stay. This can be the man at the gaz station, a shop owner or a person with an Italian licence plate on a parking.

Next are the waiters in a bar or restaurant. There he will take time and go into details.

Then the friends, with them they don't have to explain where they are coming from but of course all the miracles they have accomplished in the time they were away from "home". Especially in small towns (worse are even villages) they have to stop at each and every person they know or who know them and to tell their life story all over again. This is especially annoying for the person who travels with them and who is not Italian. If they don't know the language it's even worse. I suggest you take a book along, anyway they won't realize because they are far too busy to tell their actual life to each other or what this and that person they both know has become. This takes time and therefore a book is useful. If you have room take a seat with you. Try not to bother that you will hear the same story six to ten or more times per day. You will be able to repeat them by heart much better then a poeme you once learned at school.

After a few days half of a city or a whole village will be up to date of the latest news. The person with him will feel like a dog owner; a dog stops at each tree, the Italian at each person he knows (or thinks to know). For a way which usually would take 10 min it then takes at least an hour. Not to count all the glasses of wine you have to swallow to celebrate this event of seeing each other again. If he lives in a touristic place, no way to get him to the beach because there are only tourists there and nobody would know him.

There are only two solutions to make some holidays out of your stay. You go alone to the beach while your Italian is busy telling his life story to the whole city or village or you go with him and try not to get drunk. Take only one zip of the offered wine or pretend you don't support any alcohol. Then maybe you can survive !

PS. Warning !! Please ask your Italian to never mention your blog because then you need a tent and a sleeping bag while he tries to explain what is a blog. Without any success of course.