When 30, 40 or 50 years before you loved to spend the whole day with the man of your dreams, it now can become very stressful for wives who suddenly have to face the continuous presence of a "stranger" in the house and he becomes a burden ! Living together 24 hours a day is not so easy especially when you are not used to it at all because often the wife to had worked the whole day and they only got together in the evenings and holidays !
The theory of retired husband syndrome was first established 30 years ago by an American doctor. What he heard all day from wives of retired men was :
‘I’m going nuts’, ‘I want to scream’, or ‘he’s under my feet all the time’, 'yesterday he told me how to fill the dishwasher ! after 40 years'. 'He potters around the house and is always telling me what I should do'. 'As soon as I open my eyes in the morning he asks me what we would have for supper tonight' .....'
The situation can really become a big burden when the husband wants to have his wife with him everywhere. So it becomes a problem when she wants to travel and see the world and he prefers staying home. When she has plenty of friends, and he has nobody the colleagues have all disappeared. Or the other way around ! When the wife wants to stay home and he wants to travel !
Maybe to make the burden less heavy, couples should make more compromises and respect the tastes and wishes of the partner.
Or you move to your children ....
Linking to Five Minutes Friday
I hear your pain and I am the one who is about to retire and be under the feet of my partner. Luckily we do like doing things together, but as he is older, he doesn't want to do much. I must carve a life of own at retirement, as you have done so well.
ReplyDeleteTotally different take on the prompt, how fun! I am still far away from retirement (just started working 4 years ago), but it's interesting to read your thoughts. I hope you still enjoy each other despite these new challenges! I am your neighbor at FMF this week. Have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteGattina
ReplyDeleteI am the Neighbour with the praying hands but I thought I would read a couple blogs, not just my neighbour’s. I’m glad I read yours.
I totally get it since I am semi-retired (no longer have a partner though) but what I loved was the humor. I laughed so much at the truth of it all you made my day. Have a blessed one.
Jenn
My dad saw that coming before he retired- my mother had generally run the house while he worked. He told a colleague who was going to retire before him that he had to understand that his wife had her own routine and that he couldn't spend his time underfoot all the time or he'd drive her nuts, so retirement would mean finding ways to occupy his time.
ReplyDeleteWhen Dad retired, it helped that he had more than enough things to occupy his attention, but even then it was an adjustment.
We have different hobbies and different rooms to do them in, it works for us.
ReplyDeleteThat made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteA few time my hubby and I been ask if we were siblings
ReplyDeleteCoffee is on
Haha this reminded me of Japanese phrase meaning “it’s good to have a husband who is well and away from home”.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I don’t do lot of things together so maybe we can avoid looking alike :-)
Yes, life is strange. I think it is important for both the husband and the wife to have a hobby that can take up some time from their day so they don't constantly step on each other's toes.
ReplyDeleteIt does reach a point where your partner is too old to want to do the things you once did.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes sit here watching him sleep and wonder where the time went.
I am now doing things on my own and getting out more.
A few years after we retired we sold our large home and started traveling in a 40-foot fifth-wheel RV... we did that for over 10 years and did not kill each other. I consider that one of our proudest achievements! (Seriously, we had fun and not too many disagreements. It helps to have new scenery every so often to look at and a great deal that we both loved to travel and see new things. . And that whenever we stayed in the same place for a few months or longer, we each found different activities as well as things to do together.)
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