HOW TO LIVE WITH A CRITICAL PERSON ?

The most critical person I met in my life was my father ! He criticized each and everything either behind the back or directly when it came to my mother and me. (I was an only child) For critisizing somebody directly he was to "polite" as he said, but I think he was just a coward.

Nothing since I could walk was good enough. Whatever I did he critisized me. Or I was too skinny or I was not normal because I didn't like sweets whatever came through his mind. His favourite phrase was "You are not normal" but he never told me what "normal" was in his eyes. When I grew up I was ugly unfortunately for him, I didn't become the grey little mouse who was afraid of his critics, it was just the opposite probably caused by the fact that I always had to defend my mother. He critisized her all the time ! She was too fat, she was not as elegant as other women etc etc. When I became a Teenager I started to reply ! When my mother once again disappeared crying into the bedroom, I took his newspaper away where he was hiding behind and told him to look closely into a mirror !

I told him that he is not an Adonis either and why did he marry her if she was such an ugly woman, that his spine was crooked and that he walked like an 100 year old ! Of course that wasn't true but in my in my anger, I did not know anything else to say. He was so surprised that somebody dared to answer him, that he was speechless. I left the room and comforted my mother.

Since that day he was a bit more careful with his critics. Anyway he could say what he wanted, the people around me and the family told me exactly the opposite !

I couldn't change him, but I learned to deal with him thanks to a good psychologist. We never had a very good relationship, although I have tried my best especially when my mother had died. But whatever I did, nothing was good. Even his grandson was a disappointment because of me of course. I am very proud of my "disappointment" and just let him say. But it had been a very hard school to learn how to deal with such a person. I think he was probably born unhappy !

linking to SOCS - Critical