23 Mar 2019

HOW TO LIVE WITH A CRITICAL PERSON ?

The most critical person I met in my life was my father ! He criticized each and everything either behind the back or directly when it came to my mother and me. (I was an only child) For critisizing somebody directly he was to "polite" as he said, but I think he was just a coward.

Nothing since I could walk was good enough. Whatever I did he critisized me. Or I was too skinny or I was not normal because I didn't like sweets whatever came through his mind. His favourite phrase was "You are not normal" but he never told me what "normal" was in his eyes. When I grew up I was ugly unfortunately for him, I didn't become the grey little mouse who was afraid of his critics, it was just the opposite probably caused by the fact that I always had to defend my mother. He critisized her all the time ! She was too fat, she was not as elegant as other women etc etc. When I became a Teenager I started to reply ! When my mother once again disappeared crying into the bedroom, I took his newspaper away where he was hiding behind and told him to look closely into a mirror !

I told him that he is not an Adonis either and why did he marry her if she was such an ugly woman, that his spine was crooked and that he walked like an 100 year old ! Of course that wasn't true but in my in my anger, I did not know anything else to say. He was so surprised that somebody dared to answer him, that he was speechless. I left the room and comforted my mother.

Since that day he was a bit more careful with his critics. Anyway he could say what he wanted, the people around me and the family told me exactly the opposite !

I couldn't change him, but I learned to deal with him thanks to a good psychologist. We never had a very good relationship, although I have tried my best especially when my mother had died. But whatever I did, nothing was good. Even his grandson was a disappointment because of me of course. I am very proud of my "disappointment" and just let him say. But it had been a very hard school to learn how to deal with such a person. I think he was probably born unhappy !




linking to SOCS - Critical

11 comments:

Andrew said...

I am now so pleased to see loving fathers caring for their children, probably like your son and Toby. While I guess there are still some men still around like you father, I really hope they are a tiny minority.

DUTA said...

My late brother was like that, critical all the way. Since his untimely death I cannot remember anything unpleasant about him, only the good things: he was very handsome, he had humor, he was kind deep inside but unable to convey his positive feelings. I totally miss him. May his soul rest in peace!

William Kendall said...

Both of my sisters are like that. It took hitting rock bottom and seeking therapy for me to realize they were emotionally abusive towards me.

Fun60 said...

I expect he had a difficult childhood but that does not excuse that kind of behaviour. Well done you for having the courage to stand up to him.

peppylady (Dora) said...

I have wonder why some people tends to be negative or positive.
My dad was a horrible negative person and the other day I went over to see one of my Aunt (Mother sister) and nothing change with her still her negative old self. It will be while for I will go and see her. She will be 90 end of January of next year. I don't care if she old or not...It will be 3 to 6 months before I see her.
Coffee is on

Tamago said...

I know some people who are always critical and negative. It’s disappointing to receive negative feedback all the time for sure. I’ve distanced myself emotionally from them to protect my mental health!

mamasmercantile said...

What a sad life he must have had. Good for you for standing up to him.

Cynthia said...

Good for you. You probably stopped him in his tracks, at least briefly. :-)

Wendy said...

Well done to you for standing up to him and I'm sure your son and now Toby have benefitted from you knowing how parenting should be done.

Maribeth said...

My parents both were disappointed in me. I never reached my potential! Ha! I was lucky though because I had a wonderful grandmother who adored me and she would not allow them to be cruel to me. In her loving arms, I always felt safe.
Of course, I married the first boyfriend I had at age 17 to get away from them!

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

You were a strong woman to overcome that bad deal! Women of our mothers ‘ generation were so often unhappy and unfulfilled. Sometimes we think we live in hard times unti we look back in history.