30 Sep 2013


On Saturday Mr. G. thought he felt better, men seem not to know themselves. He had agreed to a visit of his friend Pierre who wanted to come in the morning.

Which he did, he showed up at 10 am, bringing a box of the best Belgian chocolates. Unfortunately Mr. G. is not allowed to eat them, because he has a slight diabetes and as Pookie doesn't like chocolate either, I am the happy victim to eat them all !

It was very nice of Pierre to come and see him and they had a lot to discuss. The poor man was happy to escape home, because he has to stay in bed until his wife has cleaned the house (or rather disinfected !) and this every day ! Therefore the visit lasted until it was lunchtime.

Although Mr. G. had enjoyed the visit very much, he faded slowly more and more and when Pierre finally left, he was so exhausted that he hardly could eat something, before he fell into his bed and slept for 3 hours !

I had downloaded his favorite game "Solitaire" on my Kindle so that he could sit in the living room comfortably instead of sitting behind his computer. First of course he refused but then once he had learned how to handle the Kindle he was quiet happy.

Besides resting, there is not much to do, he has to take antibiotics and I have to change his plaster. It's also not so easy for him to eat because the movement of mastication hurts. So on the menu are easy meals with not much to chew and the bread crust I cut off. Everybody says that he looks good.

Before and after !

Which is not at all my case. I avoid the mirror now ! I look like the shadow of myself.

I never thought that this surgery would affect me so much ! I did mechanically and efficiently everything what I had to do, but now the stress comes out and I feel worn out. Mr. G. now is worried about me I had always been the strong woman (at least that's what everybody thought) . Even after 45 years of living together and sometimes just wanting to send him on the moon or to hell, there is a strong bond between us and I just had feared so much to loose him. I dug in the past when we started our life together, the fun we had together, the up and downs, the fights, but still looking back the fun and happiness won over everything else in our couple.

Usually being an optimist, I suddenly surprised myself of thinking how I would organize his funerals and then my life without him. I tried to pull myself together but without a big success.

What had hurt me the most were the harsh words of our son, when I refused that they come this weekend. It really would have been impossible, even if they would have gone into a hotel. We were so tired.  Fortunately I have my very good friends who tried to cheer me up and were very supportive. I can't remember when I was so tired the last time. But life goes on and now the worst is over.

I just did some shopping for food, otherwise I spent my time distracting myself, creating new headers and just relax.

I thought I would need some fresh air, but was unable to walk for a long time so I decided to potter around a bit in our garden. I cut the ivy who invades each corner but couldn't clean it up. No strength left.

In the evening very early we watched a movie together and then he said "how was the movie ?" with a big smile, I had fallen asleep !

Obviously I don't have the strength anymore I used to have to cope with difficult situations. I can't remember that I had these reactions 11 years ago, when Mr. G. had a prostate cancer.

We are getting old but we are getting old together.

On Sunday morning when I got up after an almost sleepless night, I am still not myself. Instead of turning around in my bed, I got up made my post for the photo theme, which I had forgotten, returned to bed and reading my blog friend's posts on my Kindle, helped me to fall asleep again. That doesn't mean that the posts were boring !! Now I really bless this gift my son has offered me for my 70th birthday.

Then I had to play the nurse ! What an operation ! I had to wash his hair which was very sticky from the sterile product they had put on his head. He had to sit on the bathroom floor, which took some time and groaning and  moaning then leaning back his head on a blown up half moon cushion, wash the hairs, squeezed between the toilet and the bath tube, get him up and sat him on a chair to change the plasters. First I took the old once off (he was very brave and didn't say a word) then I saw two scars a small and a longer one with decorative blue yarn stitches covered in dry black looking blood. Thanks to Midsomer murders I was used to this view.  I cleaned it, put a brown looking anti infection liquid on them and then glued the plasters under and besides the ear. Now he looks clean again ! Conclusion,  to a wife's duties also belong nursing knowledge !

After lunch, I went over to Dominique. We had decided to paint together on Sundays when we both have nothing special to do. She has a little atelier which she had arranged for the two of us. There were two easels, two tables and two taborets. The sun was shining in the room which made it very cheerful and we started to paint and chat of course. Unfortunately I forgot to take a picture of our nice place. She finished a portrait of a little girl, while I finished my second abstract painting.When we made a break in the garden, Mr. G. showed up too joined in a little chat and laughed about our colored hands

And while Arthur hoped to sneak into the house and watch the budgies in their cage, which of course he didn't manage, I waited that my painting was dry and then returned home. I felt much better and relaxed. Painting is an excellent therapy. Mr. G. was happy too he had spent the afternoon laying on the sofa and playing solitaire on my Kindle. After supper at 8 pm, he was so tired that he went to bed.

I think it will take some time until he fully recovers from a surgery which had lasted 4 hours where he was under anesthesia.

Tomorrow starts another week and I feel my energy coming back ! 


diane b said...

It is a trying time for a partner too when one gets sick or has an operation. It is a mental strain as well as a physical one. That is why you are so tired. Keep resting and relaxing and hopefully you will return to your strong self. It does get scary as we get older and one gets sick. It is always in the back of our minds what will happen when he goes or if I go. One of my neighbours died on Sat night after her year long battle with neck cancer. She was some years younger than me. I feel sorry for her husband but the neighbours are offering support and he has 3 children not far away.

Linens and Royals said...

You do sound very stressed out and down in the dumps. I hope your painting was able to lift your spirits a bit. I love the colours in the painting and it looks like a lot of goldfish swimming to me.
Pleased to see Arthur is sharing the burden of looking after Mr G.

Andrew said...

Not much to say, but I think you will feel fine in a few days as the stress load eases.

Lynette said...

I'm sorry it was a difficult weekend but glad Mr. G is home. Take care and keep painting.

A Lady's Life said...

wow Gattina. Life sure is funny isn't it?
My Mom looked every where for her husband in the hospital. We didn't tell her he died until she was strong enough and she wanted to get strong to go out to look for him.
As they got older, they became such a close couple, like two teenagers infatuated with each other.
It's easy to take for granted that things will always stay the same and the harsh reality that they won't is hard to bear.
I always say I hope I go before my husband does cause I just don't know how I will cope without him.
As for your son, he tried to do the right thing. He wouldn't have come to be entertained and so you wouldn't have had to do anything.After all you are his Mom and his Dad is his Dad. Imagine not being able to say good bye when it was possible to have a few words just in case something happened.
Sometimes to be strong, one has to let go. I know I am one to talk cause I never do either lol


Marcy said...

Only now I hear about his surgery!! glad it went well, get-well wishes to him and to you, too! it's difficult to suddenly become a care-giver. Sei froh, it's only for a short time.

I have been busy myself and away from blogland... hope to change that soon.

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Been there, done that as they say... Well, not exactly the same illness/surgery but I know how tired the "well" spouse can be. That's why I always say "take care of yourself too". I am sure your son will get over his mad...he is just concerned about both of you of course and doesn't realize at his age yet how we get used to living with just each other and our regular routine and friends etc...

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Gattina .. always difficult balancing the books with all that goes on at such times. Sounds like you're coping (just!) ... but being the practical lady you are - you're adjusting ...

It seems as we get older we need to adjust a great deal to give ourselves more flexibility and ease of ways forward ..

Good for you - the main thing is Mr G is recovering .. but keep that balance in check ... look after you too - which you seem to be doing .. all the best - Hilary