THURSDAY THIRTEEN

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13 funny articles out of newspapers

1. A male guinea pig had a night to remember after escaping from his pen and tunnelling into a cage of 24 females. He romanced each of them in turn and was yesterday the proud father of 43 offspring.

2. A caller reported that a bird had been stolen from his apartment. It later was determined that the bird had not been stolen, but was lying dead at the bottom of its cage.

3. Advertising : "Cab Drivers wanted, nights & weekends. Must have good driving & criminal record. Apply in person".

4. Advertising : "Pony for Sale. Looks like a small horse"

5. Advertising : "Used Tombstone, perfect for someone named Homer Hendelbergen. One only"

6. Advertising : "For sale : One pair of hardly used dentures, only 2 teeth missing. $ 100 call ...

7. FASTING & PRAYER Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

8. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

9. Mrs. B also has trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

10. Russian football (soccer) fans have been told to drink whisky on their trip to Wales (UK) to ward off the H1N1 swine flu virus, the head of the country's supporter association (VOB) said Monday.

11. A baby boy playing with his dad’s telephone accidentally called 911, which led police to their house — and a 500-plant marijuana-growing operation.

12. Two homes in Abington, Pennsylvania have been burglarized by a naked man who stole a woman's clothes after exposing himself to her.

13. Britain's Queen Elizabeth was delighted when a group of schoolchildren designed underwear for her. Year six pupils aged between 10 and 11 at SS March and Michael Catholic Primary School in Garstang, Lancashire, came up with a variety of styles to keep the royal rump warm and comfortable.