1. Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree in your living room eating candy and snacks out of your socks?
2. Why is Christmas just like another day at the office? You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
3. Mum, can I please have a cat for Christmas:
Ans: No. You'll have turkey the same us the rest of us.
4. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.'
5. Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?'
6. You know you're getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
7. From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
8. Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer
9. How do you know Santa Claus has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.
10. Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
11. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
12. Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
13. Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas."