COMPILED NEWS

Persistent 999 caller given Asbo
A woman is banned from entering about 70 premises in Eastbourne
She rang emergency services more than 100 times when she was drunk to ask for a lift home. She has been given an Anti-Social Behaviour Order (Asbo). I swear I haven't been in Eastbourne last week I was there in August !!


Underground drugs factory found
Eight large cargo containers were found buried at the site

A massive underground drugs factory, where hundreds of cannabis plants were nurtured, has been found by police. Eight shipping container units had been buried to contruct a labyrinth of plant-growing chambers. The whole complex had then been covered by a layer of earth several feet thick. Police uncovered the site, which contained 300 plants. I wonder if they will use this now for tomatoes ??



Obama a distant cousin of Bush

It has emerged that Barack Obama is a tenth cousin, once removed, of the man whose job he wants - George W Bush. They are linked by Samuel Hinkley of Cape Cod, who died in 1662.
Mr Obama is also a distant cousin of the actor Brad Pitt while Hillary Clinton is related to Mr Pitt's girlfriend, Angelina Jolie. Wow ! Mr. Bush had a scandal in his family !
and even with an exotic taste instead of a boring WASP ! (white anglo saxon protestant)
I am sure by digging a little in my ancestors I am related to them too !



Mrs Sarkozy in Britain

Mr Sarkozy’s new wife, Carla Bruni, curtsied demurely as she was presented to the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh in the shadow of Windsor Castle. Prince Charles gallantly kissed Ms Bruni’s gloved hand as the two couples exchanged a few words. Ms Bruni speaks fluent English. A poster of her nude was sold at the same time at Christie's. Fortunately there are no nude pictures of other First Ladies !

GREEN designers have invented women’s underwear made of WOOD.
The environmentally friendly knickers and bras use fibres from white pine trees.
There is no risk of splinters because the fibres are spun to create a silky-soft fabric.
Non-toxic dyes are used to eliminate allergic reactions. The material has more microscopic holes for air circulation than polyester and twice the absorbency of cotton. That's the perfect underwear for people with fart and wee wee problems ! I hope they still have the smell of wood !


Pregnant man

Transsexual Thomas, 34, shocked the world when a picture was released last week showing his bearded face and swelling belly. The Hawaiian ex-lesbian, conceived after his sex change and is now nearly six months pregnant. Thomas’s surgery astonished gay pals who had no idea he had retained his ability to have children. That makes even me wordless ! I only wonder if he will behave like a man or a woman during birth ??