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13 means to become a good politician
1. Never be yourself ! Can you imagine what would happen if people find out ??
2. Learn to talk about nothing for hours and still attract your audience
3. When you talk don't spit in the microphone, it could make strange noises
4. Make people laugh by telling jokes, but don't read them from the notepad your secretary had prepared for you ! It has to look spontaniously.
5. Promise as much as you can. To poor people that they all would become rich or at least lead a decent life and to the rich that you will reduce their taxes.
6. Never listen to your consience if you have any
7. Have a very healthy and seductive look ! Put brown make up on or take sun baths. Dye your hair in a decent color, silver grey(for men) or blond (for women) looks better on pictures
8. Always smile, but have your teeth fixed and whitened before, yellow horse teeth may disturb
9. Never kiss anybody in public you may be having an affair and read it next day in the newspaper.
10. Take handshaking courses ! You have to squeeze a hand in the right way, it is very important for your image. If the pressure is too soft you may be taken for a person without character, if it is too strong, a brute.
11. Pretend that you are not a racist even if you don't like blacks or whites, and not a sexist either ! Because if you don't like women (as politicians of course) you may be accused of being gay which is still not accepted everywhere. If you are a women you may be considered as a man hater and feminist.
12. Never rub your eyes because they itch or hurt. In the newspaper you then will read that you were crying, or your ears, one could pretend that you have a microphone in it.
13. Pay attention to your movements, you could get stuck with sciatica in a rather strange pose. As politicians are seldom younger than 50 with tendancy to 70/80 you are very vulnerable.
